


Million Reasons

by briennejamie



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, and the whole gang are in their mid twenties living the life, like it's eight years since Nissen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-10-11 11:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10463628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/briennejamie/pseuds/briennejamie
Summary: In a parallel universe Isak Valtersen has a perfect life. He's got a great job, one that he enjoys and that pays well. Great friends, the entire boy and girl squads together being amazing as usual. A girlfriend who loves him and who would do anything for him. Parents that talk to him once a month and ask him how he's been. Everything working just perfectly, just as planned, the way Isak liked all of his moments to be.But then there's Even.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is gonna be my first multi-chapter SKAM fic, as well as AU for SKAM, so I hope you like it!

Isak blames it on the vodka.

It had been eight years since he’d graduated from Nissen, four years since he had graduated college and gotten a job at a bioengineering lab, three years since he started dating Emma Larzen, and two minutes since he really started regretting the majority of his choices.

“So, Mia was telling me that Emma said that you’ve been dropping proposal hints lately,” Jonas said with a raise of his ever present eyebrows. Magnus nodded in pure enthusiasm, leaning forward on his elbows  to rest on his knees. Mahdi just leaned back in his chair, smiling against his beer at Isak who was currently trying to melt into the couch beneath him.

“Emma said that.” Isak took a long sip from his beer, avoiding eye contact with each of his friends as much as possible. The boys were having their weekly Saturday night hang out, in which they would usually just drink and talk but sometimes would find somewhere to go to. They did this as a way to make sure they maintained their friendship since graduating from Nissen and from their universities. They even sometimes hung out with the girl squad too.

“Yeah, that’s what Mia said she said,” Jonas confirmed. “Is it true, bro? Are you gonna propose?” The curiosity and excitement radiating from his best friend was so genuine that it made Isak nauseous. He couldn’t believe how long it had been since high school, how long since Emma and him had started dating.

“If you are, man, we’re all pumped for you two!” Magnus added. “You guys have been dating for so long now, like that’d be awesome. Then we’d have two married couples in the group. Possibly three,” he said nudging Jonas suggestively. Jonas and his girlfriend Mia had been dating for the past two years after meeting at a bar. Jonas was going on one of his monthly anti-capitalist rants while slightly drunk and Mia had said something about how “the capitalist system drains the 99 percent dry like a-”, well, a few choice words that Isak wouldn’t bear to repeat. It was love at first anti-capitalism tirade.

“I gotta agree with Mags here,” Mahdi said mildly. “Noora and William were only dating for like a year and a half when they tied the knot, and you and Emma have been solid ever since you started dating. Like, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you two fight.”

It was true, they never really did fight. But that was only because Isak made sure that they never had a reason to.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” Isak conceded, putting on his happy face. His “I love my life, my choices, my girlfriend, my family, and everything is good” face.

“We’re right like, you’re gonna propose? Or…?” Magnus asked excitedly, and for a moment Isak had to consider it.

He blames it on the vodka because if he hadn’t drank that extra shot at Emma’s party all those years back, he thinks, he never would have ended up in his current situation. By current situation, he means dating Emma Larzen.

Three years ago and counting, Isak Valtersen was chatting with the boys about something that he couldn’t remember for the life of him. They were at some house party celebrating their university successes with the girls. There were people from all the universities near and in Oslo, including one Emma Larzen who just happened to walk into the bathroom they were smoking in just after the boys were asking Isak if he noticed any hot girls that night.

On any other night, Isak would’ve just let the boys tease him about how he “hadn’t dated anyone in a year” and how he “had lost his game”. But that night, that extra shot of potent alcohol in his system made him feel the need to prove himself. Prove that he was the straight friend they knew and loved.

Which, of course, he wasn’t. He’d known since his first year at Nissen that he wasn’t attracted to girls. But he decided pretty early on that he was okay with trying to fake it to make it, at least until he graduated. It wasn’t that he wasn’t okay with liking guys, it was just that he was kind of hoping those feelings would pass eventually and he could just live his life as the straight guy he supposed to be.

Except they hadn’t passed, and after so many years, the occasional hook up with a guy spattered in between, he still hadn’t given up on his lies. For some reason, once Isak got started in his “I’m straight and everything is great” game, he couldn’t stop. He had no reason to stop.

And, because Isak had the best luck, the girl that walked into the bathroom,the girl he picked to hit on that night happened to be Emma. Emma, who couldn’t take a hint no matter how clear Isak was.

Emma was nice, and she continued to be nice. She was caring, very attentive. She had her comedic moments, which Isak could appreciate, and all of Isak’s friends liked her plenty. But she was naive, she had always been naive. She was naive enough to believe all of Isak’s little excuses, to never notice how Isak was trying to shake her in the beginning, get her to realize that he wasn’t interested.

But by the time that Isak was just going to tell Emma, straight up, that he wasn’t interested in being in a relationship with her Isak had gotten a call from his pappa. He was asking if Isak had “found a girlfriend yet”, and it all spiraled downward from there.

The urge to keep up appearances, to make his parents proud, had led him to where he was now. He never expected everything to go this far, but his lie took a life of its own before Isak could even comprehend what it would mean.

A couple of years ago, Isak wouldn’t have even considered the idea of marrying Emma. But now, it only made sense. Isak liked Emma, to the extent that he could like any girl, and Emma certainly liked Isak. Their relationship was stable, they lived in a nice apartment together, they had good friends, Isak’s parents liked her. It made sense.

“Yeah, I’m gonna propose.” The reaction was instantaneous. Jonas’s face broke into a grin, getting up to hug Isak with Magnus in toe. Mahdi just clapped him on the back, saying a light “congrats bro”.

“Man, this is gonna be awesome! Have you bought a ring yet?” Magnus asked.

Isak licked his lips. “No, but I have one in mind.” Another round of  “congratulations” went around, and Isak let his mind settle into his latest lie that would soon have to become a reality.

“You excited?” Jonas asked. Isak looked up at him, nodded, and then looked right back down at his hands. Everything was going to be fine.

* * *

 

Okay, so maybe everything was not going to be fine.

It had been a week since he told the boys about his “intentions” to propose to Emma. Everyday the idea got more terrifying to the point that Isak felt like he was being suffocated. Every little hint Emma began to drop, every silent moment with her, every extra long dinner, made him want to spontaneously combust.

Thus, it was Friday night and Isak was sitting in a bar getting ready to drink his worries away.

Nursing his first beer, Isak tried to figure out how he was going to get out of this. He knew that he would have to start a fight with Emma, something to make her break up with him. Permanently break up with him. That way he could play the helpless victim and have a good excuse to hide away for a couple of weeks while he grieved, playing the role of the guy who had his sights set on marriage and his heart broken. That would also provide him with a least a year of being single without his friends nagging him, if not two years, which was a good prospect.

Except Emma would never break up with him. All the nights that Isak went out for long hours and came back home drunk, made up little lies about why he just “couldn’t get it up tonight, sorry baby”, why he barely ever wanted to see his parents. This was going to be Isak’s hardest feat yet.

Isak sighed deeply, taking a long drink from his bitter beer feeling the urge to let his head fall down onto the bar when a guy sat down next to him.

A very, _very_ good looking guy too. Tall, blond, gorgeous, chiseled like he was carved by the Greek gods themselves. Isak couldn’t help but stare for a moment, losing his previous train of thought. Said train of thought he could not gather in time before gorgeous guy was turning to him and flashing him a blinding smile.

“Can you believe they won?” gorgeous guy was suddenly asking. Isak had to take a moment to collect himself, blinking away his shock.

“Hmm?” He’s talking to me, oh god, oh dear god, he thought _._

Gorgeous guy just smiled, and nodded his head towards the T.V. that hung above the bar. It was playing the current football match, which showed Norway winning in a stupendous comeback.

“Oh,” Isak finally said. “Um, yeah. It’s really cool that they, you know, won.” Isak mentally slapped himself for stumbling over every single word in his sentence, he could barely even look this guy in the eye at this point.

“It’s alright if you weren’t watching,” gorgeous guy laughs. “I just was trying to find a reason to start up a conversation.” Isak turned to look at gorgeous guy again, nodding and letting himself laugh a little too.

“I was watching.” Isak had to smother a smile, trying to play it cool. “I’m just, enjoying my beer.”

“I’m sure.” Gorgeous guy then gestured to the bar keep, ordering two bottles of a beer Isak had never heard of. He slid one bottle to Isak, and cracked open the other for himself.

Isak just stared at the new drink in front of him.

“It’s good, I promise,” gorgeous guy assured him. “Way better than what you’re drinking, and it’s on me so don’t worry about it.” Isak nodded dumbly, struck to the bone with a feeling he couldn’t shake. “I’m Even, by the way.” Gorgeous guy, _Even_ , stuck out his hand to be shook.

“Isak,” he stuttered out. Even nodded, a bright smile forming on his face once more before mumbling “Isak” under his breath like he was testing it out on his tongue.

“It’s nice to meet you Isak.” Nodding awkwardly, Isak took a sip of the beer that Even had bought him thanking whatever god there was that it actually _was_ really good.

“What brings you out here tonight?” Even asked. Isak had to find every bit of courage left in his body to even think of a response.

“Just wanted to, get away for a bit. You know, relax or whatever. Tough week.” A lame response, sure, but a response, Isak thought to himself. “You?”

“The same. Get away from life, responsibility, friends, family, all that.” Nodding, Isak contemplated what exactly Even was trying to get away from. Isak wanted to know everything about Even. He wanted Even to tell him about his life, his problems, his passions, his everything. He wanted to _know_ Even, know him like he didn’t know anyone else. It was a strange feeling, especially considering he’d just met him.

There was a long pause in their communication, Isak looking back at the beer in his hand like it could give him a guide to small talk.

“Great conversation, though,” Even suddenly joked. Isak looked back up at him, startled into laughter. Even gazed down at him, biting his lip and _woah_ if that wasn’t a look Isak wanted to stare at forever. “I um,” Even began again, this time pulling a blunt out from behind his ear, “you wanna go outside?” And if Isak turned that offer down, he would be certifiably the dumbest person on the planet.

Before Isak even nodded, Even was getting up to go out with Isak close behind. He almost forgot about paying for his drink, before he noticed Even had left 200 kroner on the bar which was way more than what their drinks were worth. Generous in addition to gorgeous, I’m so fucked _,_ Isak thought.

Even was sitting on the bench just down the street from the bar, already smoking without him. Isak sat down next to him, awkwardly taking the blunt for a drag.

“So, Isak, tell me about yourself.”

He glanced at Even briefly. “What do you want to know?”

Even looked actually contemplative for a moment. “Oh, you know, the usual stuff. What do you do for a living, what’s your favorite color, your hopes and dreams, that kind of thing.”

Isak laughed. “Just the usual.”

“Of course.”

“Alright,” Isak began, thinking through his answers carefully, “I work in a bioengineering lab as a researcher looking for cures to diseases, cancer, aids, that kind of shit.” Even nodded, looking enraptured by Isak’s words. “Um, my favorite color is red I think. And I’m not sure about the hopes and dreams things.”

“What a mystery you are, Isak.” Even smiled at his own joke like the dork Isak could already see he was.

“How about you, then?”

“Me?” Even pressed his hand to his chest. “Well I am flattered that you would ask.” Isak laughed, becoming more enamoured with this _Even_ by the second. “I am a director with a Norwegian film company. My favorite color is blue, and I have the dream of making films that make people feel something. You know, the kind of movies that really change your life.” Isak didn’t know, but he could imagine. He could imagine Even directing the world’s next best film, the kind of movie that would win every award that there was, the kind that everyone had seen and everyone loved.

“That’s cool.”

“Is it?”

“Very.” Isak licked his lips again, taking a final drag from the ever diminishing blunt before handing it back to Even.

“Maybe I could get your number so I could show you one of my movies sometime,” Even suggested. Isak had to suppress his internal panic for a second before nodding vigorously, almost too eager.

Once they had exchanged phone numbers, _Even Bech Naesheim_ now permanently in his phone, they said their goodbyes to each other and Isak watched Even get into a sleek black car that was parked on the street.

Taking a deep breath in, and out, Isak watched him drive away as his fingers continued to tingle from where Even and him had last touched.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Here's chapter two :) I hope you guys like it.

“Isak! Do you know where my keys are?” Emma’s voice echoed from the bedroom. Isak looked up from where he was staring into his black coffee, cringing at the bitter aroma. Morning breath and coffee never mixed.

“Check the thing by the door, uh, the black bin with all the gloves and shit,” he called back to her, keeping his heavy head up to wait for a response. He couldn’t remember a time where he wanted to be anywhere but their apartment as much as he did right then.

The pressure was growing, closing in around Isak at every step and he knew he couldn’t avoid it for much longer. The boys, and the girls by now, were asking about the ring and his plans and if he and Emma were going to have a big wedding or not. Isak knew that this was all his fault, yet he was having trouble figuring out what exactly made Emma think he was going to propose.

“Found them,” Emma said triumphantly, shaking her car keys in her hand as she walked over to the kitchen counter where Isak was contemplating over his coffee mug. She kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll see you tonight. I’m going out to dinner with the girls until late, if that’s okay.”

Isak raised his eyebrow at her. “You don’t have to ask my permission.”

A smile settled on her face. “I know, just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any plans or anything that you needed me for,” she not-so-subtly hinted. Isak felt the familiar urge to roll his eyes. He plastered a smile on his face.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Content with his answer Emma kissed him once more before heading out the door. Isak felt suddenly reminded that he still wasn’t sure what exactly Emma did for work.

Letting his thoughts pass over himself, he considered once more. What did he do to give Emma the “proposal” impression. Standing up and dumping out his coffee in the sink he pressed his head against the cabinets briefly.

Eskild’s face flashed into his mind. A month earlier him, Linn, and Isak had been out to the mall to help Eskild look for rings. He was planning on proposing to his boyfriend of five years, Noah, on New Years Eve. Only Linn, Noora, and Isak even knew about Eskild’s intentions, and, Eskild being Eskild, he wanted to look for rings early because, “If I try to buy a ring around Christmas or New Years not only will I not have the money for one, but all of the good rings will be gone because _everyone_ buys rings around Christmas and New Years, Isak. Why do I have to explain this, I thought you were the smart one of our little group.”

Emma must have seen them at the mall, maybe she even asked the store clerc what they were in the store looking for.

Isak sighed deeply, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his forefinger. He had to get himself out of this. He knew that he was probably, _definitely_ , the worst person in the world for putting Emma through so much. In his own defense however, he really thought that he could grow to love Emma. That he could enjoy being with a girl in the relationship kind of way.

Then again, was he lying to himself? Yes. Did he know deep down that he would never love Emma the way she wanted him to? Also yes.

Then he thought about that guy. The one he met at the bar.

 _Even_.

Isak looked at his phone, starring for the hundredth time at Even’s contact. He had been contemplating texting him every second of every day since they first met. Every time he got his nerve up to try and contact him he thought about Emma, his friends, his family.

“I’m such a shitty person,” he said into the empty air, hoping that maybe admitting it would somehow make him less of one.

Isak shook his head, pushed away from the counter, grabbed his keys, and headed out the door.

* * *

 Eva was pulling Isak by the wrist toward the clothing store in front of them, while Jonas was laughing at the incredulous look on Isak’s face.

“Eva, don’t pull his arm off,” Jonas laughed, pushing at Isak’s back with his free hand.

“No, Eva, pull his arm off. Do it,” Sana joked before nodding to Jonas, who was wheezing with laughter, to follow Eva and Isak into the store. Gold paneled ceilings to match a gold tiled floor and every type of clothing one could imagine enveloped them all at once.

“Jesus Christ,” Isak groaned looking around almost hesitantly at the rows of clothing around them. Sana just raised her eyebrow suggestively at him.

“See anything you like?” Sana asked. Isak had finally slipped out of Eva’s grasp as she and Jonas wandered off together.

“Not sure,” he said, his lips lifting into a slight smirk. “Are their any gold woven hijabs around here?”

She pushed him slightly with her shoulder. “You’re hilarious.”

“Yes, I am. The most hilarious.”

“Right.”

Isak rolled his eyes fondly, following Sana while she gazed at each piece of black clothing in the store.

“So,” Sana drawled, “anything interesting going on with you lately?” She said each word with carefulness, the airy tone she set not holding up in the atmosphere of the conversation she wished to pursue.

“Just, um, work and stuff with Emma. You know.”

“I don’t know actually.” Isak’s lips contorted pensively.

“I mean… Yeah, I’m gonna propose to Emma. So that’s interesting.”

Sana hummed, looking almost as uncomfortable and concerned as Isak was. “Was that your idea?”

Isak looked down. Sana could see right through him, she always could.

“Not really, no,” he admitted.

“What are you going to do, then?” She held up a black sweatshirt to ponder, trying to look casual.

“I’m still working on that part.”

“I see.”

“Yeah.”

Sana looked over her shoulders, over to where Jonas and Eva were, then back to Isak. “You know, I saw her and Adrian together a couple of weeks ago. They seemed… cozy.” Isak felt something akin to relief.

“How cozy?”

“Cozy.”

“Cozy enough to confront her?”

“Probably,” she nodded slowly, one eyebrow raised, lips pursed.

“Sana?”

“Yes, Isak?”

“You’re my favorite person in the world.”

She smiled. “I know.”

Before Isak could even take his next breath he saw him, just standing over in the men’s section like he was an actual human being who needed to shop for clothing of all things: Even.

He was with another guy who had longer dark hair and tan skin, they were searching around the store each with multiple clothing items already hanging off of their arms.

Isak felt his heart skip a beat as his eyes absorbed Even’s essence. He looked even more stunning in the light of the store, his features glowing with a clarity that struck Isak to the bone.

“What’s Mikael doing here?” Sana said out loud to herself, her words shocked Isak out of his trance.

“Who?”

“Mikael.” She nodded her head over to the darker boy Even was with.

“Oh. You know him?”

“He’s friends with my brother.”

“Ah… were you going to say hi?” Isak asked tentatively, both wanting an excuse to be closer to Even while also praying to whatever god there was that Sana would say no.

“Maybe.” The fucking ambiguity.

Sana furrowed her brow then, she turned to Isak, her mouth opening, a question on her tongue.

“Guys!” Eva appeared, Jonas close behind. She was holding more clothing items than Isak could count. “You won’t _believe_ how much cute stuff they have here.”

“I’m sure I won’t believe it,” Sana joked, her eyes light as she followed Eva further into the store, Mikael forgotten.

Isak felt relief mixed with disappointment flood his system, his bones heavy and his head drained of blood. He glanced back over to where Even last was, but he was gone. Isak pondered if he really did exist at all.

“Isak?” Jonas snapped his fingers in front of Isak’s face.

“I’m fine. Let’s find Eva and Sana.”

Jonas gave him his usual ‘I’m not buying any of your bullshit but I’ll go along with it’ expression.

“Okay, let’s go.”

* * *

**Even Bech Naesheim**

 

_Do you want to see the most amazing thing in Norway?_

 

His heart pounded as he read the message for the hundredth time. Of course after Isak had spent an entire week agonizing over whether to text Even the guy just _had_ to beat him to it. Casually too, a simple goddamn question that was driving Isak out of his mind.

He felt himself type out a response beyond his own volition.

 

_What exactly would that be?_

 

His fingers shook.

 

_A place._

_In Norway._

_That you’ll love._

 

_I see._

 

_Come with me there?_

 

_I don’t know… sounds kind of cryptic. I’m getting a weird vibe._

 

_Well we can’t have that._

 

_No, we can’t._

 

_I’ll pick you up at 19:00?_

 

_You don’t even know my address._

 

_That’s true. But I was kind of hoping I could rely on you for that._

 

_I don’t know… Are you sure I won’t regret it?_

 

_Not on my life._

 

Isak’s mouth turned up into a smile he couldn’t control. He knew that this could be a very bad idea, but he typed out his address and hit send.

 

_Perfect. See you then._

 

_Okay :)_

 

_ <3 _


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! I was in France for a little while without a computer, and I've been doing AP testing so I haven't had time to write. Plus the latest clip killed me so here's some happiness to brighten your day, I hope you enjoy :)

_ 18:30 _

The time glowed mockingly at him, reminding him that in a half an hour he was going to see Even.

Isak was experiencing an intense feeling of surrealness, like his life wasn’t actually his life, and Even wasn’t even, and Isak wasn’t Isak. He wasn’t sitting on his couch in his empty apartment, wearing the nicest button up, jacket, and pair of jeans he owned. It just wasn’t real.

Except, it was real. Even would arrive before he could blink and Isak would probably turn to dust the very moment the doorbell would ring. Or maybe he’d manage to get to the door, and it wouldn’t be the Even he remembers from the bar at all and just some stranger with a strange face and Even’s voice. Maybe Emma would come home from her girls night out, maybe she’d find out, maybe she’d finally know, maybe she would ruin his life.

The possibilities felt both possible and not, yet each had their own distinct feeling that Isak couldn’t shake.

_ 18:43 _

He got to his feet and began to pace.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Actually, Isak was pretty sure it  _ was _ a bad idea yet he couldn’t bring himself to text Even and cancel. There was something about Even, something Isak needed to know, something he needed to see and experience. Even if Isak was wrong, if Even was just some boring guy, or someone who wouldn’t be interested in Isak anyway, Isak needed to know. 

Besides, Even seemed keen at the bar that night? Or maybe he didn’t. He was with that boy Sana knows, so that’s probably a good sign. He had plenty of money to throw away, that means good things… 

Isak blinked himself out of his swirling thoughts. Speculating was only going to make it worse. He just had to let the night go on.

_ 18: 58 _

Isak felt his palms sweat. Frantically he wiped them off on his jeans, walking a little bit closer to the door in anticipation.

_ 19:00 _

The bell didn’t ring. 

Of fucking course it didn’t you dumbass, what guy would show up exactly at the time he said he was going to? Isak thought.

Except then it did ring, and it was still 19:00.

“Fucking hell,” Isak whispered to himself. He breathed in deeply through his nose, letting out his breath quickly from his mouth. “Okay, okay, okay, okay…”

He opened the door, revealing nothing his mind could’ve imagined.

It was Even. Just Even, standing there in a dark blue button up and dark jeans, his hair with that perfectly styled look, a jacket thrown over his shoulder held casually like this was a movie.

“Hello,” Even said simply. Isak had to almost pinch himself.

“Hello.” Isak felt himself smile, Even’s face mirroring his own.

“Are you ready?” Even nodded his head towards something nonexistent.

Isak nodded. “Of course.”

“Good.” Even smiled even more, walked backwards out of the doorway a bit, ready to lead Isak to where ever it was they were going.

“Of course I’m coming, because I just have to see the greatest thing in all of Norway, right?” Isak joked. Much to Isak’s delight, Even laughed openly and loudly as though Isak were the most comedic person he’d ever met.

“Exactly,” Even agreed. He then gestured for Isak to follow him once more, and they were off.

* * *

Walking down the lamp lit streets of Oslo was a little bit chilly and a little bit tiring, but for Even it was worth it.

They had stopped at a small restaurant to eat before heading towards their real destination. Every second was better than anything Isak imagined, it was amicable and light and seamless. It was like him and Even were two puzzle pieces that fit just right. Maybe that was wishful thinking, but Isak was getting tired of “maybes” and he wouldn’t let himself do anything but enjoy this moment, and the next moment, and the next.

Once they had finished eating, though most of the time spent “eating” was really just them talking for about an hour and a half, they were back on the street again on their lasting adventure. There were still plenty of people out, and shops were bright with things to see and buy, yet Even continued to walk towards an unknown target with a vigor in his step and a mission in his eyes.

“Are you ever going to tell me where we’re going?” Isak asked humorously. Even just huffed out a laugh, his breath visible in the air, his cheeks and nose slightly red from the chill. He smiled.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, and where would be the fun in that?” Even raised his eyebrows at Isak, his smile containing mischief and excitement.

“Right, of course, how silly of me thinking otherwise.”

“Yes, actually. It is silly,” Even said dryly. 

Isak couldn’t contain his smile, his laughter. Being with Even made him feel alive, more than he had in years.

The best part? Even was smiling too.

“Are we almost there?” Isak asked, noticing that they were getting further and further from other people. 

“Almost.” Even’s smile was an optimistic conspiracy, assuring Isak that everything hidden was something he wouldn’t regret knowing.

Soon enough the two reached an empty street. A few street lights still powered, the cobblestone beneath their feet shining in the dim light.

“Here,” Even said. Isak looked at him, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

Even continued to look at the street in front of them. “I mean, we’re here. The greatest thing in Norway.”

Isak felt his mind struggling to make the connection between “here” and “the greatest thing in Norway”. He looked at the street again, hoping something would reveal itself to him.

“Apparently I suck at this, would you mind explaining what ‘here’ is?” Isak conceded.

Even laughed, finally looking at Isak again. He reached out his hand and placed it on Isak’s shoulder.

“ _ Here _ , is my favorite place in Norway. This street.”

Isak still felt baffled. “Why?” Why this street? Whatever Even was seeing, Isak couldn’t.

Even looked at his face again, something like hope and fondness in his gaze. “This street is one of the oldest in Oslo, and during the night barely anyone comes down this way since there are no stores or anything, not even many street lamps.”

Isak continued to evaluate his surroundings, staring at the image in front of him before asking, “What else.”

Isak didn’t see Even smile. “The way this road is positioned is perfect. When you look down the street, you can just see the slightly lit image of every building and bench but nothing is drowned in the light. Everything’s just the blue of the night, and, my favorite thing, you can see the stars better right here than any other urban area in downtown Oslo. It’s the perfect picture.”

Isak felt something click. “You’re a director.”

“Exactly.”

“This would be a good place to film.”

“Of course.”

Isak looked down for a moment.

“Why are you showing me this?”

Even looked at Isak, at the street, then slowly grabbed Isak’s hand to be held in his. He pulled Isak over to one of the benches, it was perfectly lit under one of the only street lamps. They sat down. Even didn’t let go of Isak’s hand.

“Because,” Even began, “I was trying to think of what I was going to say to you after we first met. When I was driving home, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was going to see you again. Then I thought of this place.”

Even paused, looking at Isak as though he was asking to continue. If this was okay.

Isak hummed lightly, nodding.

Even took his cue. “I want to shoot a movie here some time, because it’s the perfect place for the pinnacle moment in any great romance or drama. Like, the two main characters just seeing each other from different sides of the street, walking towards each other in slow motion, bridging the gap in the center, just standing there, being in each other’s presence, one telling the other exactly what they need to hear at that very moment.”

The image made Isak sigh contently, he liked to think that he could have a moment like that. Maybe he could, in another universe.

“Why bring  _ me _ here then?” Isak questioned. This was only their second time together, and yet here they were, on Even’s street of impossible moments, of insurmountable odds, of star crossed romances.

“I’ve kind of been hoping that maybe, sometime, you’d want to have a perfect movie moment like that… like that, with me.”

Even’s boldness almost surprised him, but then again if that wasn’t Even then Isak knew absolutely nothing.

“I’d like that.” Isak almost didn’t hear himself say anything, but Even smiled at him.

“Yeah?”

“I think I’d like having any moments with you.” 

It felt like confession, it felt like revelation, it felt fucking biblical. Isak wanted, and Isak wanted to give, give everything. Somehow, Even was here for the same, he was just as present as Isak was.

They were leaning closer to one another, their noses brushing as Even placed his hand on Isak’s arm. Isak raised his own hand to Even’s cheek, and it was simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope you enjoyed, and if you did please comment! I love hearing your feedback :)))


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In light of the hiatus nearly being over, here's some conflict to spice up your day.

Kissing Even felt like infinity.

They had made it all the way to the building of Even’s flat. They were kissing and kissing and kissing. Against doors, windows, trees. On benches, sidewalks, floors. In buildings, elevators, and eventually Even’s flat. Isak couldn’t pull away from Even’s lips long enough to even glance at around, where they were, what floor they were on, anything.

Even finally pulled away, smiling as Isak chased his lips.  “Welcome to my humble abode,” he said breathlessly, yet with humor in his tone. Isak turned his head to look around, his arms still clinging to Even. 

His flat was huge. Wide open spaces, stylishly perfect appliances and furniture, everything to an aesthetic ideal.  “Holy shit.”

Even laughed at him, taking his hand to lead him around. “This is my living room.” There was a fireplace, a perfectly positioned gray couch that was made up of multiple pieces, and the whole front wall was made of windows yielding a skyline view of Oslo. Isak could barely keep himself from staring, but Even’s voice brought him back to reality. “My kitchen is there, and bedroom there. I certainly know which room I’d like to introduce you to first, but it’s your decision.”

Isak smirked, huffing out a laugh. “Bedroom, definitely bedroom.”

“Of course, this way.” Even pulled Isak with him, the two collapsing onto Even’s king size bed. His room was covered with framed movie posters, some that he’d never heard of before, and others that he thinks he heard Jonas or Mahdi talking about once or twice. 

Even tangled their bodies together, his arms wrapping around Isak, his hand brushing against his back. Their mouths reconnected in a familiar way, like old friends reuniting. 

In short swift motions jackets were pulled off, as were socks and jeans. They laid there kissing, wrapped up in each other hoping it would never end. The moment went on for what felt like forever, perfectly intertwined. 

Even pulled away again, smiling down at Isak’s expression. He looked at the clock next to his bed. “We should probably sleep.”

Isak smiled lightly. “Probably.”

Even looked away briefly, before smirking. “Or… we could just keep kissing and never stop,” he joked with an underlying seriousness.

“Sounds good to me,” Isak laughed. 

Even peppered kisses all over Isak’s face, then finally his lips. “Sleep.”

Isak hummed lightly, his eyes closing before he could respond properly, drifting off to sleep.

 

When Isak woke up he was alone, perfectly wrapped in Even’s fluffy blankets.

Isak smiled at the thought, he was in Even’s apartment, in Even’s bed. He could hear him in the other room, presumably making breakfast considering the smell of eggs and bacon that was drifting into the room.

Isak forced himself to roll out of the too comfortable bed, fishing his shirt from the previous night off of the floor and pulling it on. He slowly made his way into the kitchen, looking around at Even’s place once more. It really was huge, Isak was beginning to wonder if it was one of the building’s penthouses. 

Isak stood still for a moment, admiring Even while he cooked. 

“Hey,” he finally said.

Even quickly looked over his shoulder, smiling that blindingly bright smile of his. “Good morning. How’d you sleep?”

“Great.” For once, that was the truth. It was like sleeping beside Even fixed something he didn’t know needed to be fixed.

Even smiled again, looking down at his work. “Good. I made eggs,” he showed Isak the pan proudly.

“I can see that,” Isak laughed. Even hummed happily before putting the eggs onto a plate and setting it down on the table. Isak sat down as Even did opposite of him. They sat in silence for a few minutes, eating and smiling shyly at each other. 

“So,” Even began, “what now?”

Isak bit his bottom lip. He knew that this was coming, and he thought of Emma. He frowned, knowing that if he really wanted this he would have to be prepared to give up the life he had constructed.

“I- I don’t know, actually.”

Even frowned then too. “Did you want this to be a one time thing, or…?”

Isak’s eyes widened, alert at Even’s words. “No, no I don’t want this to be a one time thing. I want… I want it to be more than that,” he stuttered out, knowing that was the truth. Whether it was achievable or he wasn’t so sure of.

“Cool.” Even smiled around his words. Isak felt a mix of warmth and dread fill in his gut.

“Cool,” he decided. 

He left a little while after that, Even pressing more sweet kisses to his face and mouth as he made his way out the door. Whenever Even kissed him it was like he could forget everything in his life. 

But he always remembered. He couldn’t stop remembering.

* * *

The tram ride back to his apartment was a blur, and once he got there he was meet with the angry frown of Emma Larzen.

“Where were you last night?” she demanded.

Isak breathed in deeply through his nose, he had charted out his lie all the way home. “I was out drinking at a bar since you were out with the girls, and I ran into some old friends from university and we ended up going around downtown for a while. By the time I was ready to head home I was pretty drunk and it was late so I crashed at one of their place’s.”

Emma hummed thoughtfully. “Right, okay. Which friends?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

“Anders, Nils, and Lars.”

“I don’t remember you ever talking about them before.”

Isak held back an exasperated eye roll, this conversation was going on too long. “That’s because we lost contact after we all finished school, and you don’t exactly ask me about my friends or what I do.”

“Oh, really? You never ask me about those things either, so who are you to be snarky to me about that?” She was getting angrier with each word, and Isak thought for a moment that this could be their breakup.

If only he could think of what to say next. “Yeah, well…”

Emma just sighed like she always did, and came over to wrap her arms around him. “Ugh, sorry. I shouldn’t be getting mad at you, you’re allowed to go out with your friends. Heck, that’s exactly what I did last night too. Sorry.”

_ Damn it _ , he thought. 

“Yeah…” he mumbled. Emma pulled away, placing her hands firmly on his shoulders before reeling him in for a drawn out kiss that Isak guessed was supposed to be romantic. 

Isak let her finish the kiss, and she smiled at him, rubbing his arms. “How about we go out for dinner tonight with your friends? Jonas, Mia, Vilde, Eva and all them. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Going out to dinner with his friends would be better than having dinner alone with her, so he agreed. She smiled and clapped her hands together once in excitement before leaving him to go into their room.

Isak slumped down onto the living room couch when he felt his phone vibrate.

 

**Even Bec** **h Næsheim**

_ Miss you already ;) _

 

Isak held his breath for a moment. He wanted more than anything to be back in Even’s arms. This person that he had just met such a short time ago was already roping him in so easily. He felt like he’d known Even for years.

 

_ Miss you too. _

_ You wanna go out for lunch tomorrow? _

_ Sounds good. Where? _

_ Just a cafe in Oslo I like a lot.  _

_ Cool. _

_ Then you can tell me more about yourself _

_ And why you don’t watch movies _

_ Since that’s important for me to know _

_ I’m just not a movie guy _

_ Sorry Mr. Pretentious Director _

_ I’m offended, Isak _

_ Very very offended _

_ Sucks _

_ You’re so mean to me _

_ :) _

_ <3 _

 

* * *

It was 17:00 and they were finally heading out to dinner to meet Jonas and Mia. Eva, Mahdi, Magnus, Vilde, Noora, Sana, and Chris were going to be there too. As soon as Jonas and Isak saw each other they went in for their usual handshake and greeting. Jonas hugged Emma while Isak did the same with Mia. 

“It’s so good to see you guys!” Emma exclaimed. “How is everything?”

“Super awesome, of course. Jonas and I are planning a trip for holiday to Spain, so that’s going to be fucking amazing,” Mia explained, her tone light yet her smile tight as she looked at Emma.

Emma looked uncomfortable for a moment before shrugging it off. “Cool.”

Jonas raised his eyebrows then breathed in through his teeth awkwardly. “So,” he began, “let’s go inside, some of the group are already here.” Isak nodded vigorously, grateful to be quickly out of the obvious cloud of tension hanging between Emma and Mia. He put his hand on the small of Emma’s back leading her into the restaurant.

Eva, Vilde, and Magnus were already seated at a huge table waiting for them. They all greeted each other amicably finding their seats. 

“Where are the others?” Mia asked. 

“Mahdi’s running a little late, and Chris and Sana are coming together so they should be here soon,” Magnus said. 

“Sweet, should we wait to order?”

Jonas looked at his girlfriend and just shrugged. “We could get them drinks, but we should wait to order any food.” Thus w hen the waitress came Jonas took the responsibility of ordering drinks for their missing friends, while everyone else just ordered normally.

The waitress looked to Isak to order. “Beer, whatever’s your best," he said in a rehearsed manner.

Emma looked at him and frowned. “Didn’t you get plenty drunk last night? Shouldn’t you take a night off.”

Isak felt his eye twitch as he turned his head to her. “Just because I drank last night doesn’t mean I can’t have a beer tonight.”

“Yeah, but-”

The waitress cut them off. “Are you getting the beer then, or no…?”

Isak’s “yes” perfectly overlapped with Emma’s “no” and he could swear his eyes nearly rolled out of his head.

“Yes, I am,” he reaffirmed to the waitress. She nodded her head awkwardly before turning and walking away. Isak turned to Emma again. “Why do you have to do this now?”

“Because, you keep going out and drinking and not telling me what’s going on.” While she was being marginally reasonable, Isak still couldn’t help the anger rising in his throat.

“I thought we agreed that I don’t have to explain everything I do to you all the time.”

“Yeah, but-”

He cut her off. “I’d really rather not have this conversation right now.”

“Well then maybe you should stop being so immature all the time about it?” It was a challenge. Emma just loved to see which buttons she could push, see if she could get him to do what she wanted. He felt heat flood his face.

“Oh, so I’m immature? Says  _ you _ ," he shot back.

“When have I ever been immature?” Emma’s face was morphing into something unrecognizable.

Isak felt something shift in his chest. “How about, literally all the time? You’re so naive Emma, and you make everything about you when, guess what, it’s  _ never  _ about you.”

The table was silent. 

Isak hadn’t even noticed that Sana, Chris, and Mahdi had walked in at some point during their argument and were just standing by the table watching. In fact, most of the restaurant was watching.

Emma had a scandalized look on her face, she let out an unintelligible noise before pushing her chair out and walking out of the restaurant. 

It took only a moment of Emma being outside for Magnus to speak up.

“Dude, are you going to go talk to her?”

Isak looked up from his hands, he almost forgot that anyone else was even there. 

The heat left his face as he twisted in his chair awkwardly. “Um… should I?”

They all looked at him in a mixture of astonishment and confusion.

“Uh, yeah?” Jonas said. 

Isak sighed, his bashfulness fading quickly. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “What’s the fucking point. She’s probably already left.”

Mahdi suddenly spoke up, his tone dipping into offended. “What the fuck man, you're not even going to _try_ and talk to her? I thought you were planning on proposing or some shit, what the fuck.” 

Isak realized that he had forgotten about that lie, its reasons, merit, and origin blending into every other lie he'd ever told. It had been just over two weeks since he'd formulated that lie. How had it only been two weeks?

Isak quickly stood up, avoiding eye contact with everyone at the table, and headed towards the door without another word. 

Once outside he looked around weakly for Emma, and as he expected she was nowhere to be seen. She was so fucking dramatic. But then again, so was he.

“Isak,” Sana’s voice rung out from behind him as she placed her hand on his shoulder.

He turned to face her. “What.”

Her face contorted into something he had never seen before. A concoction of emotions: anger, concern, fear, and sadness each floating around in her eyes and flowing in the lines of her face. “You can’t keep doing this.”

Isak didn’t breathe for a moment. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do.”

He blinked once, twice, and let the tension in his body drain into the ground beneath his feet. “Of course I can, I’ve only been doing it my whole life.”


	5. Chapter 5

The night had come and gone, and Isak had slept alone.

When he returned to the apartment, Emma was nowhere to be seen. She texted him saying she was staying at Lea’s place for a little bit, and that she wouldn’t be back until she felt better. Isak decided that the best way to spend his day would be to lie in bed and watch Netflix, but apparently the universe had other ideas.

 

**Even Bech Næsheim**

_ Are we still on for lunch today? _

 

Isak groaned at the reminder. As much as he wanted to see Even, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his foul mood hidden from him. Isak could see how perceptive Even was, how he could read people like they were open books. Yet the thought of canceling their plans left a bad taste in his mouth.

 

_ Yeah. _

_ What time? _

_ 12:12? _

_ That’s specific. _

_ I’m a specific kind of person _

_ Says the guy who rarely uses punctuation. _

_ sry ur n0t 1 of th3 c00l kidz like m3 _

_ I have never been more disgusted in my life. _

_ Please delete my number. _

_ You love it _

_ Ugh. _

_ <3 _

_ <3 _

 

* * *

 

Sitting across from Even again made him feel like he was back in a dream.

“I cannot believe you did that. That is literally, the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Even’s laugh took up his entire body, and his smile could blind passers by.

“It’s true! I did so much dumb shit back at Bakka, I wish you could’ve seen it.”

Isak raised his eyebrows. “I’m not sure I wish I could’ve seen it.”

Even laughed again, opting to pick up his sandwich and take a bite. The cafe Even had chosen was more like a breakfast and lunch place with really good coffee, but Isak didn’t mind all too much. Even was managing to distract him from his thoughts of Emma and his friends, his glowing demeanor and engaging personality making Isak more enthralled with him by the second. He wanted to tell Even everything, but at this point he wasn’t sure how Even would take the news of him having a girlfriend. He wanted to keep everything perfectly polished and hidden until he could fix it himself, then he would tell Even. But by then Emma would be gone, and everything would be perfect.

“I’ve been talking about myself too much,” Even said, giving him a wistful look while tilting his head slightly. “Tell me more about the one and only Isak Valtersen.” 

“There’s not much to tell.” Isak felt his thoughts piling up again. 

“I highly doubt that.”

“Hm… well you know I work in a bioengineering lab, you know my favorite color, and you know about my taste in music. What else is there to tell?”

Even looked pensive, like he had so much at the tip of his tongue but he wasn’t sure what to say and what not to say. “Well, what are your friends and family like?”

Isak blinked, and looked down at his lunch.

“Or, not I guess. You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“Nah, it’s- it’s fine, I’m just not sure what you want to know about them.”

Even’s mouth twitched, and he took in a deep breath. “My parents are named Olivia and Erik, and I grew up in Oslo with them. I don’t have any siblings, but I have a few cousins I’m close with. My parents are quite eccentric and outgoing, and incase you were wondering where I got my charm from I definitely got it from my mom. I had a pretty normal childhood, and I always loved art and music especially movies. I’ve had one serious girlfriend named Sonja, but we broke up when I was 17. When I was 18 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I’m on steady medication now so episodes are few and far between. I got my first movie deal when I was 23, and I’ve been making movies ever since. As of now however, I’ve really been looking for that special someone to share everything with.”

Isak’s breath caught in his lungs as he stared at the man in front of him.

“Thank you for telling me that,” he told Even. Even just smiled and looked at him softly, with a hint of expectedness. “I, uh-”

“Isak?”

Isak felt cold dread run down his spine as he turned his head to see Emma walking towards him.

“Who’s this?” Even’s brow tensed, his voice losing its previous warmth.

“Um, Emma, hey. I wasn’t expected to see you- uh, here.”

Emma just looked confused, her eyes flashing between him and Even.

“Isak, I don’t really care what’s going on right now but I need to talk to you. I was just gonna do this when I got home, but you’re here now. So, yeah.”

Isak’s brain was shouting at him, red alert sirens going off rapidly.

“Is this your girlfriend?” Once those words came out of Even’s mouth Isak knew it was over.

“Yes, I’m Emma. And you are?”

Isak couldn’t look at either of them in this moment, he could feel the chill of Even’s presence.

“I’m Isak’s friend, Even. He’s told me a lot about you, Emma.”

Isak turned his head in shock, even now Even was covering for him, saving him from himself.

“Oh, that’s nice.” Emma turned to Isak, her expression much fonder than before. He could tell she was already halfway to forgiving him. “I, um, I guess we could have this conversation at home if you and Even want to finish your lunch.”

Isak nodded curtly. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Okay, bye then.”

There was a beat of silence as Isak watched her walk away towards their apartment.

He choked out his words. “Even, I-”

“Don’t. I just-” Even looked down at his hands before pushing out of his chair, and placing his payment for his meal on the table. “I get the girlfriend thing, I really really do. But next time you decide to go out with someone, at least give the guy some warning.”

Isak watched as he, too, walked away. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d just set himself down his path permanently.

* * *

 

He always ended back up on Jonas’s doorstep it would seem.

“Oh, hey Isak. What’re you doing here?” his best friend asked, staring at Isak bewildered in the frame of his doorway.

“I, uh, need someone to talk to.”

A flash of understanding swept Jonas’s face, they’d been here before.

“Of course, dude, come in.” Jonas lead them to the living area after grabbing two beers and a bag of doritos. “Mia’s at work right now, and she won’t be back for a couple of hours. So, I am all uninterrupted ears.” Jonas flopped down on the couch giving Isak an expectant look. “Shoot.”

Isak fidgeted with his hands for a moment, licking his lips hesitantly. He wasn’t quite sure how to begin this conversation, so he thought it might be best to start with what he knows Jonas is in the realm of awareness about.

“I don’t want to marry Emma.”

Jonas actually laughed a bit. “I kind of got that from last night.”

Isak felt some of his nerves melt. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, dude. We can all see that you guys have got some problem, maybe Mia and I can see it a little better. But that’s mainly because Mia doesn’t like Emma all that much.”

“You don’t say?” Isak said with a sarcastic raise of his eyebrows.

“I know man, she isn’t exactly subtle about these things.”

“Does she at least have any reasons?”

Jonas hummed, taking a swig of his beer. “She says she thinks that Emma’s naive, that she won’t take a hint or whatever.”

Isak felt quite validated in that moment. “I always knew I liked Mia.”

“You agree then?” 

“Definitely.”

“Huh, I guess I never really noticed that much.”

“No one ever does,” Isak admitted. Jonas took in a breath, staring at the table for a moment. 

“Do you want to break up with her?”

Isak thought about all the time he’s spent with her, the good times and the bad. All the time he’s wasted on a relationship he now knew he could never fully appreciate or reciprocate in. 

“Yes.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?” Jonas seemed slightly concerned, but also as if he knew this was coming.

“Ever since we first got together.”

“Shit, man.”

“I know.”

“Why stay with her then?”

There was the crux of it. Why stay? Why, after all this time, did he bother to stay? Why did he pin down a perfectly good person, a person who could find love anywhere from anyone for his own purposes? He guessed perhaps he was selfish, and perhaps he hated himself just too much. Perhaps he wanted to see how long he could go. Perhaps he wanted to fool his parents, his friends, the world. Perhaps he hoped that he could fool himself, too, along with all the others.

“I guess staying with her was easier than admitting the truth to myself.”

“What truth?”

Isak could hear the sound of Jonas’s wall clock ticking. He could hear the birds outside, he could hear the subtle hum of a washing machine, and he could hear Jonas’s breaths beside him.

“That I never really liked girls in the first place.”

The sounds continued unchanged, undisturbed by Isak’s words, as the world moved on. Nothing had changed, but everything had changed.

“I’m sorry.”

Isak looked to Jonas then, confused.

“About what?”

“That-” he sighed out a shaky breath, “that you thought that you couldn’t tell me, us, that you thought you had to pretend.”

Isak laughed lightly. “Yeah, well, believe me, it all seems stupid now, and I’m not quite sure what my train of thought was in the beginning anyway.”

A beat of silence.

“Hmm.”

“Yeah.”

Another beat of silence.

“Will you break up with her then?”

“Yeah, I think I owe her that much.”

“Good.”

“Mia’ll be happy.”

Jonas finally laughed, breaking the tension. 

“Yes, yes she will be overjoyed.”

“Good, at least I can make one woman happy.”

Jonas was outright cackling then, Isak with him, and he let himself absorb the moment of peace.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I've got about 2-3 more chapters left of this fic until the end! Maybe more depending on how long the chapters are and how things play out, but I hope you keep on enjoying ;)

When he got home, Emma was watching T.V. waiting for him.

“Oh, finally. I was almost worried, wondering what was taking you so long.”

Almost.

“Yeah, I had to stop by at Jonas’s to talk through some things.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“Well then, shall we talk too?”

Isak nodded, sitting himself down on the couch next to her tilting his torso so that they were facing each other.

“I want to apologize for last night,” he told her.

“I’m sorry too. Ugh, I just got worried then I got mad and it all fell apart. I’m really sorry.”

“I’m the one who should be the most apologetic. I, haven’t been very honest with you, and I’m sorry that it’s ended up this way.”

Emma took his hands.

“It’s really okay, we can just set this aside. I’m sure-”

“No, Emma.”

She looked genuinely shocked for a moment, her brow furrowing.

“No?”

“I, uh-” he stuttered for the right words. “I think we need to break up.”

“What?”

“This isn’t working. It hasn’t been working for a very long time. It’s my fault entirely, but things need to be done. We both need to set this behind us.”

“I’m not sure-”

“Emma, please.”

“I’m just trying to understand.” She stood, heading over to lean against a wall while looking at her feet.

“This hasn’t been working, you know it, I know, hell, even our friends know it.”

“Our friends don’t know shit.”

“Emma-”

“You don’t know shit, Isak. This is going to work, it has to.”

“Why? Why does it have to.” He was standing now too, his fists clenched.

“Because,” she shouted, “because this was supposed to be forever, Isak.”

“Nothing is forever.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up with your bullshit you asshole.”

Isak ran a hand through his hair.

“Even you don’t want this anymore. I know you don’t.”

“How so?” She was finally looking at him again.

“I see the way you look at Adrian. Wouldn’t you be happier with him? At least he’d be able to give you the forever that you want.”

“How do you know that? And how do you know that you can’t?”

“Because I can’t, Emma. Okay? I can’t. You can keep this apartment, you can keep the furniture, every plate and pan, but I can’t be here anymore. Please.” He was pleading at this point.

“Just-” she pressed the back of her hand to her cheek, feeling the warmth mixed with wetness, “Just go.”

* * *

He never pictured himself walking down the street carrying a duffle bag that contained his entire life in it, but now that he was here he wasn’t sure that image would ever go away.

His phone buzzed.

 

**Sana Bakkoush**

_You doing alright?_

 

Only Sana could psychically feel his predicament at this moment.

 

_Oh, you know_

_The usual_

_Broke up with Emma_

_So there’s that_

_You need a place to crash?_

_You, Sana Bakkoush, continue to be my knight in shining armor_

_Of course._

_Who else would there be?_

_No one ;)_

_You’re goddamn right_

_Sick Breaking Bad reference_

_Always_

_The door’s open_

_Awesome_

* * *

 

“Tell me everything.”

Isak almost laughed at the absurd normality of it all.

“As long as you promise not to interrupt.”

“When have I ever?”

Isak actually did laugh this time, pressing his warm mug of green tea more firmly into his hands. Sitting next to Sana on her couch made him feel that familiar sense of comfort he craved.

“Is Yousef coming home soon?” he asked.

“Nope, not tonight. He’s on a two day ski trip with Elias and the boys so you have my undivided attention.”

Isak sighed, taking a sip of his tea.

“I met someone.”

Sana raised a single eyebrow, almost surprised but not quite.

“This someone make you realize that you don’t want your life to be fake anymore?”

“You always fucking know don’t you,” Isak laughed. 

“I do. I really, really do.”

“That’ll make this easier then. Basically, I fucked it up. He found out about Emma and thought I was playing him the whole time, but I wasn’t. I want him back so badly, but it’s only been like two days and I don’t know if he’ll believe me when I tell him Emma and I broke up.”

Sana hummed placing her tea mug down on the living room table. She shifted her position to face Isak more directly.

“Really, all you can do is tell him straight up what’s been going down. Tell him how you feel, whether in person or through texting you have to tell him. After that, the ball is in his court. He’ll either forgive you, or he won’t, you can’t do anything about it after that.”

“What if he doesn’t forgive me?”

Sana sighed.

“Isak, you’re trying to pave the road for a whole new life for yourself. Like you said, it’s only been a few days. It’s going to be hard, but no matter what know that your friends are here for you. With or without this new guy, it’ll be all right.”

Isak took in a deep breath, holding it, and letting it out slowly. He nodded his head, and pulled out his phone.

 

**Even Bech Næsheim**

 

_ Dear Even. I want to say a thousand things to you. _

_ Sorry for hurting you, sorry for not telling you about Emma. _

_ I was so afraid of losing you that I lost sight of why you _

_ were with me in the first place. I broke up with Emma earlier _

_ tonight. I care about you so much, I think I’m falling in  _

_ love with you. I want to know you, I want you to know me. _

_ No matter what you decided, just know that you are the _

_ first person I’ve ever felt this way for. Forgive me. Isak. _

 

“I sent the text.”

“Good.” Sana smiled then slowly put her arms around him pulling him into a hug. “It’ll be okay.”

* * *

After three solid days of moping, several unread messages from Jonas and Emma, along with no response from Even, Isak knew that he had to move forward. Sana had been dropping hints for him to go talk to the boys for days, or to at least go outside.

“Isak, just because I said you could crash here doesn’t mean I’m okay with you rotting here and leaving a permanent indent in my couch.”

Isak rolled his eyes, standing up and moving his position to the arm chair next to the couch.

“Better?”

Sana sighed deeply.

“No, Isak, not better. You have to do something. Just, text Jonas, or Mahdi, or Magnus, or Eva, or anyone who you can talk to. I thought you were going to be moving forward.”

“I am, I’m just waiting for… I’m waiting for a sigh.”

Sana rolled her eyes before heading back into her work room.

Isak let his arm fall over his eyes, sighing. He was deliberating between going back to sleep and getting something to eat when his phone buzzed.

 

**Magnus Fossbakken**

 

_ hey dude i know youve been mia recently _

_ but mahdi jonas and i are all worried about you _

_ so just thought i would let you know that _

_ we are having our beer night tonight at jonas’s _

_ if you want to cmoe _

_ *come _

_ so yeah _

_ so whatevers going on we got you _

_ and we got beer _

_ so its a win win _

 

Isak had to smile at Magnus’s words, deciding this was the sigh he was looking for.

 

_ Sounds good, bro _

_ omg really! _

_ yay beer night with the boys! _

_ Don’t get too enthused Mags _

_ never  _

_ see you there! _

_ See you _


	7. Chapter 7

Isak stood outside Jonas’s apartment for the second time in one week, his hand clutching the handle of a six pack of beers. He could feel the cardboard of the handle crunching beneath his grip as he took in a deep breath hoping he was ready for this. He raised his hand and knocked twice.

He heard the sound of movement from behind the door before it opened to reveal a smiling Jonas.

“Thank god you bought good beer, the shit Magnus brought tastes like plastic.”

Isak laughed, glad that Jonas always knew had to make him feel comfortable.

“Yeah, I figured I owed it to you guys considering…”

Jonas gave him a concerned look, then raised his eyebrows quickly.

“It’ll be fine.”

Jonas then ushered him inside, taking the beer from his hand. Mahdi and Magnus were sitting in Jonas’s living room cringing at the beer Magnus brought.

“It doesn’t taste like plastic!” Magnus exclaimed.

“Dude, it does,” Mahdi said sadly, and in the same moment noticing Isak standing in the doorway. “Isak, hey!”

“Hey, dude!” Magnus exclaimed excitedly, bouncing out of his seat to give Isak a hug.

“Hey, guys.”

“Our man Isak brought good beer!” Jonas yelled from the kitchen, both Mahdi and Isak laughed while Magnus just sighed in defeat.

“Thank god,” Mahdi laughed. Isak felt his face break into a wide smile as he took his usual spot in the living room on Jonas’s arm chair while Mahdi and Magnus sat on the couch.

Jonas walked into the living room holding four of the beers Isak brought, handing them out and setting the bottle opener on the living room table.

“Never again will I let Magnus bring the beer.”

“Oh, my god you guys, it isn’t that bad! And you know what, you’re right, this is your fault for trusting me,” Magnus replied shortly.

“You literally just insulted yourself.”

Magnus made a face before everyone was laughing.

In the next beat of silence, Magnus took a swig of his new beer turning to look at Isak.

“We’re glad you came, dude,” he told Isak.

Isak smiled. “I’m glad I came too.”

“You, uh, you wanna tell us what’s been going on?” Magnus asked tentatively. “Like, we heard something happened between you and Emma after dinner that night, but not much else.”

Isak looked to Jonas, seeing his friend give him a little nod of assurance. Isak licked his lips, and took a breath in.

“Emma and I broke up.”

Mahdi and Magnus both gave their variations on “oh shit dude” and silent shock.

“How did…” Mahdi trailed off, not sure if what he was asking was okay.

“Um, I, uh, broke up with her.”

Magnus somehow managed to look even more shocked.

“But- but you were planning on proposing to her?” he said incredulously.

Isak laughed dryly. “Believe it or not that wasn’t really my idea in the first place.”

“What do you mean?” Mahdi asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

Isak inhaled deeply through his nose, trying to map out how he was going to explain his thinking process. At the time, every lie made total sense. Now however, he couldn’t see any correlation.

“I was never planning on proposing to her,” he began, “but when you guys brought it up I just kind of went with it. I thought that maybe it’d be a good idea. But the truth is… the truth is I shouldn’t have starting dating Emma in the first place, let alone considered marrying her.”

“Why do you think you never should’ve started dating her?” Magnus questioned.

Jonas gave him a short look and Isak could feel himself resign to the fact that he had to tell them if he was going to keep his friends.

“Because… because I didn’t really have feelings for her, ever. I just wanted everyone to think I did.”

There was a beat of silence, Mahdi and Magnus’s shocked expressions making Isak’s heart fall into his stomach.

“You didn’t have feelings for her?” Mahdi asked incredulously. Isak bit his lip and shook his head. Magnus’s eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes boring into Isak trying to puzzle everything out.

“If,” Magnus began, “if you didn’t like her like that, then why date her?”

Isak sighed. “Like I said, I just wanted everyone to think I did. You guys, my parents…”

Magnus sat up straighter, letting out a sigh.

“Why did you want us to think that then? There are plenty of girls, Isak, you didn’t have to date one you didn’t like just because you wanted to- to like keep up impressions or whatever.”

“That’s the thing, though. It wasn’t about Emma,” Isak told him, wishing he could will himself to just say the words.

Mahdi beat him to it.

“It was about her being a girl.”

Isak could only nod.

Magnus let out a little “oh”, and Isak looked down at his hands.

“So, you’re…” Mahdi began, hoping Isak would fill in the blank.

“Gay. Yeah.”

“Dude,” Magnus exclaimed suddenly, “you know that we don’t care about that shit. You didn’t need to lie, or pretend.”

“Yeah, man,” Mahdi said. “We’re your friends, we’re here to support you, not make you feel like- like you needed to go this far to pretend to be something you’re not.”

Jonas and Magnus nodded, giving Isak significant looks.

Isak had to take a few moments, and breaths, and a few more moments to figure out how to explain this.

“It wasn’t about what you guys would think, though. I mean, it kind of was, but it was mostly about how I felt,” Isak tried to explain.

“How did you feel?” Jonas asked.

Isak sighed. “Like if I didn’t admit it, it would just go away, it would some how not be true.”

His friends gave him sad, concerned looks, not knowing how to respond.

Jonas shifted in his seat, leaning forward to look Isak in the eyes.

“Isak,” he began, “you know that there’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

Isak felt himself twitch. “I know,” he assured Jonas. “It wasn’t about being gay in general, it was about _me_ being gay. I know that’s stupid, and I know that most people won’t care it’s just… I didn’t want people to view me differently, and I wanted you guys, and my parents, to- I don’t know, leave me alone about getting a girlfriend? About being normal? I don’t even know anymore.”

“You are normal, Isak,” Jonas said. “Fuck anyone who ever, or will ever say otherwise.”

Isak looked down. “Yeah…”

“You’re not alone.”

Isak looked back up, feeling overwhelmed with affection for his best friend.

Mahdi and Magnus nodded, giving Isak reassuring smiles.

“Thanks.” Isak smiled, opting to take a sip of his beer.

“We’re here for you, man,” Mahdi said moving to give Isak a pat on the shoulder. Isak laughed lightly, giving his friends a smile.

“What made you decide to break up with Emma now?” Magnus asked.

“Um,” Isak stuttered. He had only told Sana about Even so far, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep it from the boys for long. Besides, he didn’t want to hide anything from them anymore.

“I met someone,” he told them. Jonas raised his eyebrows, a smile forming on his lips.

“Seriously?” he asked.

Isak nodded, and Magnus and Mahdi had looks of excitement.

“Can you tell us about him?” Jonas asked.

“It doesn’t really matter now, it’s pretty much over.”

“Why’s that?” Magnus asked.

“He found out about Emma before I could tell him and explain. I texted him asking to talk but he hasn’t responded so…”

“How long has it been?” Jonas asked.

“A few days.”

“Maybe text him again?” Magnus suggested.

Isak scoffed. “Well that wouldn’t be desperate, would it?”

Jonas and Mahdi laughed a bit and Magnus rolled his eyes.

“Besides,” Isak continued, “it’s up to him now whether he’s willing to forgive me, I can’t force him.”

The boys nodded in understanding.

“What’s his name?” Jonas asked.

Isak felt wistfulness rise in his throat.

“Even.”

As if magic happened in that very moment, Isak felt his phone buzz.

 

**Even Bech Næsheim**

_What are you doing right now?_

 

“Who texted you?” Jonas asked when Isak didn’t speak for several moments.

“Even.”

“Holy shit, seriously? I thought you said he wasn’t texting you back?” Magnus exclaimed.

“He wasn’t,” Isak said, “until just now.”

“What did he say?” Mahdi asked.

“He asked ‘What are you doing right now’. What should I tell him?”

“Just call him,” Magnus suggested.

“No,” Jonas said, “don’t call him, that’s desperate. Just tell him that you’re chilling with friends.”

“Chilling with friends?” Isak repeated.

“Yeah,” Mahdi agreed, “that’s good.”

Isak quickly typed out the message. “Chilling… with friends. Just call.”

“No, don’t say that,” Jonas exclaimed. “You have to keep it basic, you have to let him come to you. Like you said before, you have to let him make the decision to forgive you himself.”

Isak nodded fixing the message and clicking send.

“Sent.”

The boys gave little cheers, doing a toast with their beers before Isak felt his phone buzz again.

 

**Even Bech Næsheim**

_Can you come over?_

 

“He’s asking if I can come over.”

“Go,” Jonas exclaimed, Mahdi and Magnus waving at him to get up and go. Isak bounced out of his chair, quickly grabbing his jacket and slipping it on, running out the door.

* * *

 

Once he reached the tram he could feel himself literally vibrating, his hands clutching at his phone as he had to look down at his messages a few times to make sure he wasn’t imagining this.

Why now? Why had Even texted him now, after a week of waiting. Isak knew that Even was probably just mulling things over, deciding whether to give Isak a chance. But still, he had to wonder.

When he reached the stop, he had to restrain himself from bolting onto the platform as the old woman across from him had yet to stop staring at him judgingly.

He ran down the streets towards Even’s apartment, and once he reached the building he had to pause to make sure he didn’t look like a complete lunatic when he buzzed to enter.

When Even opened the door Isak felt his breath catch in his throat, his piercing blue eyes reminding Isak of every happy moment he’s had with Even. For each moment that passed Isak felt nerves build up in his stomach, he looked down for a moment then back up at Even anxiously not knowing what to do next.

Suddenly Even moved forward, pressing a firm kiss to Isak’s lips and he responded in kind. Moving together as they kissed they made their way into Even’s living room, kissing each other like they were both drowning and the only way to breathe was to press together as closely as possible.

Isak pulled away for a moment.

“I’m sorry.”

Even sighed, reaching up to caress Isak’s cheek.

“I know.”


	8. Chapter 8

Being pressed against Even again felt like home.

Isak brushed his fingers down Even’s sleeping face, glad that neither of them had moved, that he didn’t wake up alone. He mentally slapped himself for almost letting this one get away.

Even stirred, his big eyes fluttering open slowly.

“Hey,” he said, his voice deep and gravely. He looked both happy and sad, and Isak struggled to comprehend how his face could do that. How Even could be so good at emotions to the point that even his eyes could tell Isak exactly what he was feeling, no matter how conflicted.

“Hi,” he finally responded. 

“Do you want breakfast?”

Isak brushed some of Even’s hair out of his face.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

Even hummed. A small smile pulled at his lips as he looked Isak’s face up and down, but then his forehead pinched in consideration.

“You know we still need to talk,” Even said.

Isak nodded, opting to continue caressing Even’s face rather than respond. 

Even raised his eyebrows for a moment, then he got of the bed in one swift movement pulling on a shirt and heading towards the kitchen. Isak had to literally roll himself out of bed in order to get himself to get up before following Even’s footsteps.

Even was already pulling eggs and sour cream out of the refrigerator when Isak plopped himself down onto the countertop of the island in the center of Even’s kitchen. Isak could feel nerves rise in his throat, he was never very good at talking about these kind of things and he was especially bad at explaining himself. But obviously Even understood enough to give him a second chance. 

“Should I just explain myself or…” Isak began hesitantly. Even turned his head to him momentarily.

“No, you don’t need to.”

“I don’t?”

Even bit his lip. “Emma was your safety net, even though you wanted to leave her you felt like you couldn’t.”

Isak’s eyebrows came together. “Sort of.”

Even raised his eyebrow, surprised.

“Sort of?”

Isak considered him for a moment. “Speak from experience?”

Even looked down at the floor then back up at Isak, shrugging.

“How could you tell?” he asked sheepishly.

“You didn’t really sound like you were describing me is all.”

Even hummed. “So, you said that’s sort of right?”

Isak shrugged. “Well I mean she was my safety net I guess. But it was more about keeping up appearances, you know, to make my family and friends think that I- well that I liked girls.” 

Even made a little understanding noise.

“I wasn’t sure if you liked both or not,” Even confessed.

“I definitely do not,” Isak laughed. Even gave him a sad lopsided smile.

Isak rubbed his hands together. “I really am sorry,” he reiterated. 

Even nodded. “It’s okay, I understand. Just… you promise you and Emma are done?”

Even looked insecure in that moment and Isak wanted to make him feel safe forever. He hopped off of the counter and pulled Even’s face towards his between his hands, kissing him soundly on the lips. Even melted into Isak’s arms with a smile playing at his lips.

Isak pulled away. “We’re done, and regardless you’re the only person who’s ever made me feel like this. I’ve never felt anything quite like this, anything like this.”

Even sighed. “Me neither.”

Isak felt lost in Even’s lips, and he hoped that Even was feeling the same. Based on the droopy eyed look Even gave him he knew it had to be so. Of course at that moment Jason Mraz came on the radio.

Isak pulled away, opening his eyes. “Holy shit.”

_ Well you done done me and you bet I felt it _ __   
_ I tried to be chill but you're so hot I melted _ __   
_ I fell right through the cracks _ _   
_ __ And now I'm trying to get back

Even blinked rapidly. “You like Jason Mraz?”

Isak felt himself blush, biting his lip. “Maybe.”

“Oh my god, yes,” Even laughed, belting out the lyrics. 

_ Before the cool done run out _ __   
_ I'll be giving it my best-est _ __   
_ And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention _ __   
_ I reckon it's again my turn, _ _   
_ __ To win some or learn some

Isak felt butterflies in his stomach, looking at quite possibly the most perfect person in the world and he couldn’t help but join in.

“ _ But I won't hesitate no more, no more _ _   
_ _ It cannot wait, I'm yours _ ,” they sang loudly in chorus, and Isak knew that this was what love felt like.

* * *

Upon actually leaving Even’s apartment to go about his day he realized that he was being bombarded by texts.

 

**dem boys**

Magnus:

_ Sooo?!?!?! did it work out?! _

_ ISAK _

_ respong _

_ responfs _

_ respond man _

 

Mahdi:

_ omg dude shut up _

 

Jonas:

_ he’s probably busy man let it be _

 

_ Hey _

 

Magnus:

_ AH WHAT HAPPENED _

 

Jonas:

_ Did it go well? _

 

_ I just left his apartment _

 

Magnus:

_ gasjugihfjodikjfsjdbgksas _

 

Mahdi:

_ Are you guys like a couple now? _

 

_ Yeah :) _

 

Jonas:

_ Nice bro _

 

Magnus:

_ i’m so excited omg _

 

Mahdi:

_ Awesome dude _

 

_ It’s good _

_ Really good _

_ Really really good _

 

Magnus:

_ omg did u guys fuck _

 

Jonas:

_ Magnus what the fuck _

 

Mahdi:

_ Dude of course they fucked he spent the night _

 

_ Please stop _

 

Mahdi:

_ It’s true _

 

Magnus:

_ did you??? _

 

_ Maybe _

 

Magnus:

_ sjaiogjierwgh4ior _

 

Jonas:

_ Niiiicccceeeee _

 

Mahdi:

_ *thumbs up emoji* _

 

Isak smiled to himself for a moment before checking his other messages.

 

**Sana Bakkoush**

 

_ It worked out? _

_ Yeah _

_ Cool _

_ Thanks _

_ <3 _

_ <3 _

  
  


Then Isak found a new group chat he was part of.

 

**gals + Isak**

 

Eva:

_ Isak tell me it’s true _

 

Noora:

_ Eva please _

 

Chris:

_ The ouija board was right??? wtf _

 

Vilde:

_ Isak! _

_ Did you really break up with Emma for a guy? _

 

Eva:

_ We don’t care dude just _

_ is it true??  _

_ cause I hated Emma anyway so _

 

Noora:

_ Omg Eva _

 

Sana:

_ Girls let Isak explain don’t assume things. _

 

Vilde:

_ I’m just telling you what I heard _

 

_ Who told you that? _

 

Eva:

_ ISAK _

 

Vilde:

_ Emma did _

 

_ I broke up with her yeah _

_ But I didn’t tell her the other thing _

 

Vilde:

_ That it was for a guy? _

 

_ Yeah _

 

Vilde:

_ She told me that you were texting some guy _

_ and that she saw you at lunch together _

 

_ Well that’s true _

_ But don’t get how she could’ve known just from that??? _

 

Eva:

_ So you did leave her for this guy? _

 

Noora:

_ Eva _

 

Vilde:

_ Did you? _

 

_ Yeah _

 

Vilde:

_ Omg yay! _

_ I love gays _

 

Noora changed this chat’s name to “ **nei vilde** ”

 

Noora:

_ Vilde you can’t say that _

 

Sana:

_ Vilde that’s generalizing _

 

Vilde:

_ I’m gay! I can say that _

 

Eva:

_ I agree _

 

Vilde:

_ <3 _

 

Noora:

_ Still _

 

_ It’s okay _

_ But I still don’t get how Emma knew _

 

Vilde:

_ Ask her _

_ I’m just telling you what she told me _

 

Sana:

_ Don’t spread gossip Vilde _

 

Eva:

_ This is like an episode of Gossip Girl! _

 

Eva changed the name of this chat to “ **gossip girls 2.0** ”

 

_ Eva why _

 

Eva:

_ You love Gossip Girl don’t lie _

 

Noora:

_ Ugh _

 

Vilde:

_ Gossip girl needed more lesbians :( _

 

Sana:

_ I’ll agree with that _

 

Vilde:

_ Yay! _

 

Isak frowned, deciding to text Emma.

 

**Emma**

 

_What have you been telling people?_

_ The truth _

_ How’d you know _

_ I looked through your phone _

_ It was obvious _

_ I don’t get why you even bothered dating me _

_ What the fuck Isak _

_ We were together for three years _

_ I know _

_ And that’s my fault _

_ And I’m sorry _

_ But did you really have to spread shit about me? _

_ I was going to tell everyone anyway _

_ Fuck you Isak _

_ I loved you _

_ For how long though _

_ How long until you just went along for the ride like I did _

_ That’s not fair _

_ You led me on _

_ I thought I could love you _

_ Well you didn’t _

_ So fuck you _

 

Isak knew she was right on some level, though he wished she wasn’t so petty. He sighed, running a hand over his face.

 

_ Can I come get my stuff? _

_ Where will you go _

_ That guy’s house? _

_ Yeah _

_ You should keep the apartment, like I said before _

_ Okay _

_ When are you coming? _

_ In like a couple of hours if that’s okay _

_ Yeah that’s okay _

_ I’m sorry _

_ Me too _

**Author's Note:**

> this is also posted on my tumblr --> briennejamie.tumblr.com


End file.
